the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
