under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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