when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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