I looked at my own cervix.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
