yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
