worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
