Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
