Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
