i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
