If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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