it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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