Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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