when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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