you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
