dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
