I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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