I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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