i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
