I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
