There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
