I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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