i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
