he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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