i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
