thus making me awesome and them whores
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
