Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
