I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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