The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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