this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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