ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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