dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
