After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
