I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
