Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
