Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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