you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need a shit load of segways right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
