What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
