when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
