Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
