i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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