Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
