I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
