Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sext me about skeletons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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