Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So apparently I’m into choking now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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