Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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