Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
