No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
