Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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