Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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