Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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