I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
