i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
