guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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