dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
